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That was the beginning of a dawning realization that my own book could contribute to this kind of unhealthy culture in a family or in a church community. Stepping away from being “the leader with answers” to being “a student with questions” gave me a willingness to engage with new perspectives—even those that made me uncomfortable.

Studying church history helped me see that every generation of Christians has blind spots and makes mistakes.

While “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” did influence the Christian dating culture, we of course can’t blame the full complex reality we’re living in on this one book.

Whether it’s social media, the hook-up culture, or church pressure, modern dating is complex and difficult.

Why should we be surprised that we will need to reevaluate?

Then fellow students began to graciously share ways my writing had negatively affected their approach to relationships.

He also recognizes that there are some people who have benefited from it, for which he’s thankful.

More of his journey and change of heart will be explained in a documentary slated to release next month.

Listening to their stories gave me the courage to their experiences with my book.

But he also notes that “these realities are uniquely challenging for Christians who are seeking to live by a Christian sexual ethic.” Due to these unique challenges, he realizes “how frustrating the ideas of my book could be for those who want to actively pursue and get to know other Christian singles.” Two years ago, he began re-evaluating the book, asking people how it affected them.

He acknowledges the hurt it has caused some, and apologizes for that.

It was easy to label the critics “haters” and bask in the warmth of those who found my book helpful.

But twenty years later, I regret that I failed to carefully engage with criticisms of my book. There are many factors but three reasons stand out. I started listening to hurting people in my own church.

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