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If you need proof, consider the following imagined—but all too recognizable—interaction, which we’ve scored on a points system. “is his best work in my opinion.” ( 100, clearly not lying; -100, clearly not Sedaris’s best work). ” (-65, unforgivable use of punctuation after “Hey.” And -10 for capitalizing LOL, which is gross).

No matter the cause, single Angelenos are approaching the dating game with apathy rather than intent, and that’s unpleasant.

You respond: “Never heard back from you—out with friends. ” You’re neither out with friends nor are you sorry.

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You’re in loungewear, catching up on Mary Berry-era episodes of Hot Stranger texts the next day. “Let me know if you want to find another day.” You never hear from Hot Stranger again ( 50, none of us have time for this sort of thing, so we’ll call this a win), but they now follow you on Instagram (-125, WTF).

” No matter how hard you try you just can’t seem to connect with anyone in a meaningful long term sense. So let’s take a look at some of the essential dating truths about L. that, if you fully grasp, might make these treacherous waters just a tiny bit easier to navigate. Truth is: Long distance relationships are hard work, and that sometimes means having to say bye to that cutie from Santa Monica. I mean you can certainly count that cute guy/girl flirting with you as you inch across the 10, but once they meet their exit, it’s back to being alone. Just need to open to more random of meetings when you finally get out of your car. A., by now you should know at least ONE person who has hooked up with someone kind of sort of famous. With tons of awesome restaurants and bars to try, sometimes budgeting for dating can be hard.

And even if you don’t follow the advice I’ve laid out below, at least we can all commiserate about the agonies of being single in the city of angels. Scenario: You’re chatting up a cute potential love interest and hitting things off oh so well, but then comes the dreaded question “So where in L. You spend a good portion in your car so I’m sure you’ve asked yourself, “How am I ever suppose to meet someone? In fact some people are actually out there actively seeking celebrity hook-ups, giving themselves bonus points for the varying classes of their bedmates (movie star, television star, reality… Truth is: Try not to brag about hooking up with a famous person unless they are actually famous. Chances are that no one will know who they are, unless it’s your younger cousin. Outside activities make for great first dates as well.

If there is thought behind it, then that’s all that matters.

If you are stuck paying for everything, then that’s not cheap, that’s just gross.

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